you are a rug beneath my feet
comforting yet always slipping

a breeze under my wings
solid yet always ebbing

 

and I want you to go crazy over me but
it’s high time I let this be
so goodbye for now my almost lover

I wish you’d set me free

when I talk about my problems, people always ask me
whether or not I want to be
with you
which is honestly a very difficult question for me to answer
I say, “been there done that”
by which I mean
all I want to do is dig my nails into your back
and feel you too close to me
acts of heat and
little pleasantries
and if I were to be more honest I would say
I want you to take me in ways
I’d be your slave;
control me even when I say
no
because it means yes
and I’m a freak
who enjoys the contradictory
and emotionally I’m clean but
physically I need you
to
take me

there just isn’t a good way to say that
to other people now,
is there?

six years is an awfully long time
to know
coincidentally, six is the devils number
and after six years of drifting away and
coming
together
I want to know more about you
in ways that would make
him blush
and ways that would
make
me
sigh

this electricity is killing me
so familiarly closing in
my heart skipped and
my lips parted a few more
times than right;
take me home tonight

like to pretend these songs are made for me
I’ll be your honey bee if you’ll be my little fling
lately I’ve been crazy and everything
in
between
[these sheets] that’s where I think of you
sad to say but it’s true
never stopped caring and now I’m being rash
a little bit daring and all I can see are
broken things
in front
of me

I want you to cede to me
answer my calls and requests
but
i know you won’t so
i’ll lie here alone and
pretend that
you
did

[but then again
where would we be]

sorry for bothering you all the time

it’s just a stupid dream of mine that we could be

the same

or anything

ginger-time:

I want you to invite me in
but instead I’ll just stay away like I’ve been doing
[or rather, trying to do]
and I’ll feel farther away from you than
    before
in our different lives, separated, all closed doors with creaking hinges

or maybe I’m just hearing things

I’m losing weight
and I’m losing sleep
and I’m losing faith
I had hoped to keep

[but I’ll keep on trying
until I’ve lost my teeth]

when did coming home stop being a pleasure
and instead become a dread
when did this house become so full of strangers
haunted by ghosts of the dead
when did this place become a prison
instead of a place I could grow up
was it when you suddenly left us
causing remembrances of you to make me feel like throwing up

when did the anger settle in
to all the safe parts of my heart
when did what used to pull us together
begin to tear us far apart

I spasm from the desires that pulse through my veins
the watery hunger I feel for everything
the watered down reactions to pain, to hurt, to hate
to love I put on a display and for the rest
I shove it away and feel my body twitch to snap a neck
or more likely a pen
and even likelier I just snap at the nothingness
around and inside
a contradiction brews its own storm
and I will rain down forever trying to find
a way out of its core